Arnold and Dorothy Messersmith memorial

I have dragged my butt on this project for a long long time.  It is an emotional post for me and I want to do it justice without being a blubbering idiot.

My Grandparents;

Arnold and Dorothy 25th anniversary

What can you say about maw maw and paw paw; grandma and grandpa; meme and nature boy; Aunt Dorothy and Uncle Arny/Arnold; my kids~grandpa GG and grandma GG.  Probably a whole bunch, depending on who you are and what they meant to you in your life.

Like many families, ours was crazy and had a matriarch that saw over ALL, rather you liked it or not.  I'm not here to point fingers and say bad thinks but give the truth of my life as a kid and adult with my grandparents.

I hope all children have the best memories of their grandparents.  I know I do. I could not even imagine a kid not having what I had.  Matter-of-fact, I just can't even fathom the thought because I thought everyone had grandparents like I did.  

mom, sister, grandma, grandpa, sister

grandpa, us girls going to a play

half-sister and brother, distant cousin

cousin, my uncles son

After my parents divorced at an early age in my life and non-memorable age of my sisters, my grandparents stayed in contact with my mom and helped her raise us.  Unfortunately they disowned their son in the process for reasons I will not talk about (just not important in this story).  So long story short, with my dad, he does reconnect with his parents with his second family (that's a good thing)!

Anyways, my grandparents provided everything they possibly could and really was a help to my mom and later step-dad (who was my father that raised me).  Now there was some head knocking between the parents and grandparents (grandma really).  There were dos and don'ts that were followed or not followed.  My mom called them "Strings attached" situations.  Nothing was for free (like if you watch "Once Upon a Time" on ABC, Rumpelstiltskin would help only for a price), that it self is another story too.

All three of us girls had free rein at Sweet Water Lake where my grandparents lived.  There were just a few, I mean maybe 5-6 neighbors at the time we were there that lived on the finger of the lake they lived on.  Very woodsy and private.  We ran like wild Indian girls and played "Charlies Angels" with our pop guns and chased bad guys in an old Nova that did not run, as our police car and jumped on the silver propane tank on the driveway, as our elephant that took us through the deserts and forest of our wild adventurous imaginations. There were set up doctor offices in the upstairs bedroom where my grandma would fashion pretend hypodermic needles to give shots to our stuffed animals and torn up sheets as bandages, pretend library with all my grandpas books, set up stage in the living room where we would put skits together and perform later in the evening when grandpa came home.  I grew up there and I'm sure it was a well deserved break for my mom and dad.  Again, I wish my kids could experience what I did.

Our grandparents supported us in art classes down the street where we lived at with our parents and funded our many many years in performing arts.   Both of my grandparents were dancers and performers in local theaters.  My sisters and I danced for over 15 years and then gained our certificate in the study of dance, theater and history.  I then began teaching at the age of 16-til I was 32 and retired.  I loved when my grandma and grandpa would spend time with us to teach us the old style of dancing ballet, tap, gymnastics and then vocal (which was a disaster) I think my grandma wanted a star in the family to live through.

Dance studio picture with grandpa in the center and I in the back in the blue dress

My sisters and I performing at a recital

Me at a dance competition winning first place with my partner

Adagio group, grandpa on the left and partners

As time goes on we started our families (at least I did at 23) and 4+ yrs after that my sister did, then my half-sister, half-brother and my cousin.  Now I say this not to knock or put down my grandmother, but she chose the family she wanted to be with.  If she could control one little aspect of your life or give a golden moment of "advise" you were in the loop.  So I did not know many of my cousins on my grandma and grandpas side of the family.  After the death of both of them I got to reconnect with many cousins and new family members but as at the loss of time.

Moving on, she was a great help to me after my divorce and having a 1 1/2 yr old running around with me trying to finish college.  Of course I paid my way and worked hard and did what I could as a single mom. My grandparents automatically stepped in and helped with no questions asked (remember strings attached, I did not know until later).  I had a free babysitter when needed if money was tight.  My oldest daughter got to experience this special time like I did.  She spent weeks and weekends at the lake house, and I missed her terribly, but knew she was in good hands.  So between what my parents (mom/step-dad and father/step-mom) and grandparents, my daughter was loved and taken care of.  I was very fortunate and GRATEFUL for this.  Without these people in my life I do not think I could have done what I needed to do.

My second husband entered our life and then grandma was not happy.  She tried so hard to scare me from him as he is a strong military man that loved my daughter and took the reins with no questions asked.  He was great support to me in my unstable emotional life then.  This is when grandma realized she was loosing control of me.  Finally she and my husband came to friendly terms and became closer.  But still wanted a foot in our life and dictate what was to be done and not done.  LOL.  She never gives up.

I felt bad for my dad (birth father) as he had a long road of recovery to forgive his parents and them to forgive him, but had a wonderful family that he finally brought home to Indiana.  I love my step-mom, she has always been there for me and my family.  My father took the role as my friend and knew he had to accept that.  I grew closer to him and what happened with my mom and him was their business.  Anyone that has dealt with parents divorce you can get dragged in the middle and get the evil eye for loving the enemy.  Some families don't involve their kids like that "KUDOS" to them for good co-parenting.  Mine NOT.  Eventually my mom was able to stay in one room with my father, but after my stepfathers passing.  Anyhow, I had a half-sister and brother.  Woo Hoo it was like getting the prize at the bottom of the cereal box.  I love them and their families.  Unfortunately, my grandma had picked her favorites.  My poor sister always felt unloved and competition for her affection that never happened.  I wish I could have given her what I had.  My brother is my brother and he did not really care one way or the other and just respected her and loved my grandpa because that is what my father expected of him.

Dad and step-mom

brother

sister

Years go by and so does family history.  Moving from the lake house to town in an apartment where I took care of them and watched them slowly decline in health broke my heart, as I thought they would live forever!!!!  Eventually my family got to big and the responsibility of caring for them was hard.  My grandparents were lashing out at me for suggesting retirement villages or nursing homes.  Eventually their health was declining with depression because of memory issues.  I finally I asked for reinforcements of family that finally did the dirty deed of moving them in their forever home at the Westside Gardens, where they took their last breath and roam the floors of heaven.  I won't go into detail to much, as it is still painful.

Grandpa with his great grandbabies

grandpa, my uncle, grandma

Grandpa died with his whole family by his bed side and lots of tears were wept. He was a gentle and kind spirited man that worked very hard for his family and loved his boys the best he could.  He was a mama's boy and loved his mama, sister, brothers and my grandma very much.  I never knew much about my great grandpa, but my grandpas family was the LOVE of his life.  He loved nature and every thing that GOD put breath in and cried many many tears when he was sad.  When asked what was wrong when on our many nature walks he would sing "Nature Boy" by Eden Ahbez, song by Nat King Cole, and remind us to always love everyone and be kind.

Grandpas mom and grandpa

Grandpa in center holding his sister and his two brothers

Grandpa and I

my uncle and dad

Grandma's death was a long one.  She clung on to life and the spirit of life as long as she could.  She had such a passion for life and wished she was a movie star.  LOL  She loved acting and used it to her advantage  in life.  She had a sad childhood and was mad at her stepfather for so long and mourning the divorce of her mother and father.  Her grandmother was her biggest supporter and she earned the nick name of "Little Mimi".  She pretty much did what she wanted and when she wanted.  She had two brothers and a sister.  She told stories on top of entertaining stories of her life.  As we sit with family members and newly discovered family members we laugh at the stories we recall.  But she loved with a big heart and picked whom she loved with her big heart, which later in life caused her a lonely life after my grandfathers death.  I know this is what she did not want but sometimes our actions can be our poison in life.  She was greatly loved and disliked by her actions by many.  She mourned the loss of my birth father and to this day we wonder what the last minutes were like with him and her, a dispute that was carried to his and her grave and no one new what happened, but she mourned, cried and had many laughs in remembering him.  Grams definitely was the chatter with the staff at the nursing home good and bad.  Like I said, she had a temper, but then she overflowed with kindness as well.

news clipping of my grandparents opening their dance studio

The Matriarch

As I sit here and try to narrow this blog down to the essentials, with many more things to say, I look at their little boxes their ashes are in and recall many many memories that make me smile.  It took me about a year after my grandmothers death to finish the video I did of them that could have been a movie with all the stuff I wanted to put in it.  I was lucky, one lucky little girl that new the love of her family regardless of the spits and spats that went on.

I hope you enjoy this and think of your family and love each other as much as you can.  Sometimes decisions are made in life that just are not what we want, but best for us.  I know I have bridges I need to work on that are "under construction", but I pray and love all of the ones that stand on those bridges.  Learn to give love and compassion without "strings attached" as it will leave you alone in your last hours of life.  Do not pick and choose who you love, but try to love without conviction.  I am not perfect but a project that God is working on, but I know one thing Family is Family and once that is gone it is gone.  

Youtube video- Arnold and Dorothy messersmith memorial: http://youtu.be/tE2YxJb3zK0

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